Home - Safe and ballooned

I have woken this morning from sleeping in my own softish bed and my back feels like new, I was expecting to be crippled this morning but, touch wood, all I can feel is bile sitting somewhere in my chest.  The stomach has stayed as yesterday, no larger but no smaller.

 

After having to take morphine for chest pain yesterday before we actually flew I was dreading today but maybe things are looking up.  The only other things I am suffering are my eye's are out of focus, this always seems to happen now after I return from holidays, my mouth is extremely dry and I have a headache.  The headache is probably due to the extra morphine taken yesterday and last night at bedtime.  I did check my weight on the scales, I have gained nearly 8 lbs, and I know it isn't down to food, that's quite a lot in one week.

 

I came home to a message from Dr Vish's secretary, he has arranged to see me at 5.40 on Thursday night, this is to discuss the procedure they plan to carry out, which will take place at James Cook Hospital.  I only hope it's sooner rather than later. 

 

The mental torture I put myself through about flying didn't happen, that is a relief in itself.  I said to hubby on the plane coming back, I feel so good now, maybe we could have stayed on board.  He gave me one of those looks and reminded me I had taken 40 mg of morphine because I was doubled over with pain at 11 am that morning.  I couldn't remember!  I must admit I did keep nodding off on the plane so maybe my memory was wiped.  I could see the relief of his face as we were getting closer to home and I was ok.  Although he doesn't go through physical pain, his mental torture must be terrible.  How do they cope when they see us suffering and now there is nothing they can do but hug us or tell us everything will be fine?

 

I hope I have brought some nice weather home, looking out we have that mist we had back in 1975 and 1976 when we had glorious long summers ... that would be nice feeling the warmth still on my bones while waiting to see what is going to happen.

 

Today I am going to rest up, once over the packing would have been done as soon as I came through the front door, if it stays in the cases another day I don't care.  I think both of us need to relax and get over the stress of the last two days.

 

I will start my letter writing and battle tomorrow.  I am going to write to the Trust and explain that I am not ready for the scrap heap.  Maybe I may even have to revaluate Dr Vish if he also thinks that, but I won't know that until after Thursday's meeting.

 

In all honesty we don't know whether the meso is in the stomach via the lymph nodes or by contact with my false diaphragm, or whether it is caused by something else.  The bile can do damage, especially the amount I have floating around in the morning.  At Darlington Memorial they did take away fluid to be sampled yet no results have been sent to the doctors or as I keep wittering on, no outpatient appointment has been sent to discuss it.

 

I have received many words of support from the mesothelioma network of warriors and I really appreciate their support and advice.  No one truly knows what this disease is capable of doing before it actually robs us of our last breath, I keep being told I am in uncharted waters - yet doctors don't want to record what happens.  If this is the case then how will any medical details ever be known and help others in this terrible predicament.

 

On that note I am ending here for now. 

Home Again

Why is it the days seem to roll into one when you are coming to the end of your holidays and what you did on day one you can't remember.  The holiday is truly over and this morning I will call in to work to try and catch up before Monday morning's onslaught of everyone needing a piece of me.

 

I have to say I have enjoyed the time away, ok a few ups and downs, my leg being the most annoying and hopefully when I see the physio on Thursday I may get some relief as the massages didn't really do it.

 

The internet access drove me to distraction along with only having the Ipad to work with, how many of you can use this for typing and emailing I just don't know, I found it hard going most of the time.  I wish I could say to Amanda I have brought the sunshine back for you in a big bottle but unfortunately it never seems to reach us, as we flew through the blue sky's yesterday across from Italy I thought hey it may be nice and sunny in good old blighty but as we crossed the white cliffs banks of cloud approached us.  In fact our decent was through heavy thick cloud that whipped the plane or way and another.

 

I read a couple of good articles on living after cancer and one on MKMRF.  Living with mesothelioma certainly has it's ups and downs, this pain in my leg and butt cheek for instance, I am worrying, hopefully needlessly, that it is a bit of growth on the bottom left of my lung which is now pressing on a nerve instead of me perhaps doing something like sitting the wrong way and pulling a muscle.

 

The last day of our cruise was in Sorrento, but you know I just couldn't be bothered to get off the ship and visit, yes it looked lovely from out in the water and I should have made the effort but I needed a day of relaxation.  I felt guilty for not visiting but I am sure we will get there again.  We spent a cold night up on deck having dinner with people who were strangers 10 day ago but became friends over the course of the holiday.  Because of the internet I am sure we will be in touch, not like the olden days where you just could never be in touch so easily.

 

Two of the party we befriended have a large Doctor's practise in Pittsburgh, they told me they hadn't had a case of meso for ten years.  Pittsburgh was a notorious hot spot for this disease and now they have a total decline so how come the rest of the world is still on an upward rating.

 

The dog's were certainly pleased to see us, we dropped the bags off and took them straight out for a walk, I haven't seen both tails go so much from left to right for ages.  Bear ran around the fields sniffing who had been around his property over the last week, boy did he have fun, whereas Lexi stayed by our sides.

 

Well that's it for now, have a busy night tonight, a 65th birthday party to attend, just hope I don't over do myself today and find I'm tired!

 

Time for me to catch up on everyone's blogs and see what's being happening while I've been away.  I truly hope that Amanda and Ray have finally found themselves out and about enjoying themselves.