MRI Jitters

It isn't often I get the jitters about going for scans etc, but it was an MRI scan that showed up my original mesothelioma, not that they knew it was that then.  Just my chest lit up like Blackpool illuminations with white spots everywhere.  But it was still another year and some before anyone really looked at it.  I guess because I had it done privately no one thought of checking it further than to see if I had fluid, which I did.  The scan was never looked at again until the surgeon had a peep and knew something was in there.  But hey that was some 10 years ago and this one is different right?  This one is to see why my back etc is causing so much trouble.

 

I came home from work crippled again yesterday, only sitting in my chair for 30 minutes at a time, I don't know whether its the position or not.  Having just got up I have been flat all night and my back seems a little better, hope it stays that way today.

 

I did go and lie in the sun, although I spent most of the time asleep, the additional morphine is making me tired, so last night I knocked the additional 30 on the head and will try a extra nerve tablet today.

 

Bear was a tinker yesterday and stole my tea, he was eyeing it cup up for ages on the little table so I had to give in.

I don't know about everyone else but the swallows around our garden have been flocking in dozens but they are so hard to actually catch on film as they don't stay still for long.  Hubby had his camera out all day and finally managed to snap one just before it took flight again.

Such beautiful colours you would never think they had blue wings when you see them darting here and there.

 

Mavis has being asked to round us all up and fill out this questionnaire on behalf of BLF for patients and carers alike to say what kind of treatment they would like to see.  It is short but please fill it in.

http://www.blf.org.uk/News/Detail/New-national-lung-cancer-survey-launched

 

I am so happy to read that my fellow bloggers are all doing well at the moment, Steve has been given the "Stable" news, Tess has gone for no 5, therefore must be having good results, Mavis is holding her own on the new treatment, Debbie is improving day by day.  I haven't heard from Amanda for a week or so, so I am hoping her and Ray are doing well.  One of the sad stories throughout face book is that of Janelle Bedel, her journey is coming to the closing chapters. 

 

It is heartbreaking when a person so young is diagnosed with this cancer, it is heartbreaking when anyone is, but especially more so when its a young mam.  Janelle has earned the title of Wonder Woman, I just wish a treatment to prevent death was here and available now. 

 

Excited to say the sun is out again, I hope for everyone else it brings the best out in you and you have a wonderful day.

I have also posted an article for mesotheliomahelp.net which you can find here:
http://www.mesotheliomahelp.net/blog/2013/06/mesothelioma-survivor-weighs-in-on-being-her-own-advocate

The British Sun Pipped Out

Home is where the heart is, in our case as well our beautiful dogs, but the sun has gone away again.  The beautiful heat and sun on holiday made my back feel much better, I didn't seem to wake up with as many pains in the ribs, only my leg!  We came home to sunshine and I thought yeah I can enjoy the feeling, but alas the sun is out till 10 then rain up here in the North of England.

 

We have guests who are ex pats from Australia and currently live in Asia, they have come to see us after meeting us last September and are having a relax.  There we were planning trips here and there and they just want to relax and play with the dogs. 

 

Today my book is being delivered here from the printers, I can't wait.  I have received an unbounded copy just to set my mind at rest the printing on the pages didn't miss out my first sentences.  I am pleased they are arriving and hope that I can meet up with Chris Knighton to give her quite a few to sell at her forthcoming events. 

 

I was going to cancel my physio with having guests but as we aren't doing much running around I may as well keep hold of the appointment and see if they can do anything else. 

 

I went for my scan on Tuesday, I was so pleased Jean was again the nurse in charge of the needle.  I had my elma cream on and off she went.  She told me the vein in my left arm is starting to move and become hard, probably due to the last chemo and the amount of times it has been used over the years.  I thought she was going to have to start probing to get the tip in but she told me after she had got it.  I didn't think veins could move the moment the needle went through the skin, you learn something everyday.  She is a wonderful lady who is now reducing her hours, I just hope that she is on when I need my next scan, I never have a problem with needles in this department, but there again she has administered about 95% of them over the years.  She lost her husband a couple of years ago, just as they were planning retirements, why does life do that?

 

It's 8 years since my Dad died today, I still remember the call at 7.30, I hadn't been that long since my last chemo treatment and I remember I hadn't really got dressed, just pulled on some joggers as my brother came to get me.  I think I was in shock, I had seen him only the day before but something told me then that I may not see him again, one of those 6th sense feelings.  I wanted to go back and see him but hubby told me I was being emotional due to the chemo, how wrong he was and how right I was.  I think he had given up, he died of a massive stroke, he was far to young at 74.  I am sure he felt guilty for my illness and that brought about his own demise.  Guilt eats us up and I wish I could lose this negative feeling.

 

It seems quite a few warriors are going through a hard time at the moment, Tess, Mavis and Debbie are on or starting another round of chemo, I am pleased to say Ray and Steve are at the moment doing well, I hope that I too will get a good result even though I fear I have a little growth, as long as it remains slow growing then it isn't too much of a worry as yet.  I have received some good news from a friend in the states, she has been receiving a new treatment at Sloan Kettering and is still stable, hopefully this drug will come into its own and maybe be the one that turns meso from a terminal to a chronicle disease.  My other friend's husband is having a lot of fluid around the lung.  Back in 04 after my surgery I had fluid, but they couldn't drain it as the fluid had gathered in pockets, now from this friend, I understand those pockets are fissures created by the meso.  It is frightening when you can't get fluid out, quite a few people I know tap fluid on a daily basis.  This to me is a brave thing, how they can have an alien tap fitted to them scares me.  My body can't stand cannula's inside my veins so imagine having a tap constantly attached.

 

On such a note I guess I will close for today but post a picture to remind me of the lovely weather we left behind together with the new friends we met on the cruise.

Don't I look healthy, I did look funny in the bikini where I had remembered to cover some of the radiation patches and not others and also burnt.  My skin has changed again due to the recent chemo, so if you are out sunbathing remember to use factor 50 on scars and radiation patches, 30 and 20 on the rest of you.  Don't miss any parts of the skin otherwise you will end up multi-coloured!

Maybe I am getting a little to old to wear such clothes!